As I move through the weeks of the Master Key Experience (MKE), I’ve been thinking a lot more about desire. It is so complex – I’ve never been a person to want “things” so much as experiences, (so long as I have ‘things’ that work well!)

But Haanel talks about desire as the starting point of all creation – the spark that activates the power of Universal Mind. Yet for many of us, especially those of us in midlife or moving into basically my third trimester of life, desire is even harder.

My needs are different than they were, plus the decades of conditioning. What do I actually want? And why is that so hard to answer?

Bruce Lipton, Joe Dispenza, and countless others that I’ve been reading and learning from for 20+ years say that by age seven our subconscious patterns are mostly formed. Our brain is basically in theta meaning we absorb everything and write the program that next 70-80 years run on.

I’ve downloaded beliefs about safety, worthiness, identity, success, and what is or isn’t possible. These beliefs, which are just decisions, led to the thoughts and feelings which then led to my actions which fed into the reinforcement of those beliefs.

David Bayer calls this the psycho-cybernetic loop. Repeated over and over these habits are well-worn ruts and any original deeper desire or purpose I was born into has long been cemented over. Desire doesn’t disappear – but it sure gets covered.

I’ve known this for years but putting it into regular practice has been the challenge until now with the master key experience. I’m rewriting the old patterns, transforming with emotional intensity, a deep sense of safety and identity-level shifts. It is slow – but it is happening.

This is why nervous system work and vagus nerve practices resonate so strongly with me. We can’t access true desire when our bodies are in a chronic state of fight or flight. We can’t dream expansively if our physiology is bracing for impact. Desire cannot emerge in survival mode!

I’ve spent years helping others find peace and regulation, yet I’m only now understanding how essential these states are for reconnecting with desire. Its not about ‘doing’ anything but embodiment.

It takes Gandhi’s “Be the change you wish to see in the world” to an entirely new level. And when the nervous system relaxes, desire rises naturally – the way it once did in childhood before conditioning took over and I (mostly) played by the rules.

For me, desire has never been about shiny objects or accumulating more, (although as a yellow I’m easily distracted by them!) My wants have evolved as I’ve moved through the different seasons of life – from building a career, raising children, supporting others, creating stability.

But there has been one desire that has stayed with me since childhood: the longing to build my own home. Not just any home, but something sustainable, intentional, nurturing.

A dome home. A sanctuary connected to nature. No straight lines (which are never found in nature) On many acres and part of a retreat center or community.

This vision has followed me through every version of myself. It feels less like a preference and more like a calling. And Haanel’s message is becoming clear – our deepest, most persistent desires are signals from the true self, the self beneath the programming.

For me and the women in midlife I work with, many of us are stepping into a chapter where we finally have the space to ask: “What do I want now knowing there are absolutely no restrictions on what is possible?”

This is where desire is reborn. And I’m chipping away to uncover it….