I’m doing something different this week for my blog. I am not writing it in MSword, editing it, switching around the order to make it read better… “Perfecting” it, whatever that means… No. I’m recording it, live. Dictating my stream of conscious thoughts of what’s on my mind right now.

And I’m finding this week to be incredibly challenging. Resistance is coming up like never before. What is that law of physics, something about equal and opposing forces?

I want to look it up. Like right now. But that’s just another a distraction. That’s what I do to stay ‘comfortable’ and in my zone of familiarity. Which has led me to the place I am right now.

My choices have created my life. Am I going to succumb to this knee-jerk desire and distraction or am I going to stay focused on what I am here to do in this moment, which is create this blog.

So many things distract me, sure I’m a yellow but that does not give me the excuse to indulge. If I want a different life, if I want something better, I need to do better. I need to be better. I need to make better choices.

The life I am currently living is a cumulative result of all the choices I’ve made. I know that – and yes those are dangerous words “I already know that” but it’s different to know it intellectually, versus to actually embody it. Really “get” it. I think it is sinking in. Slowly. Finally.

Last week I realized that I am still living inside of the cultural expectations, under the guise that I’m doing what I’m passionate about. And I truly am passionate about alternative health. But I’m passionate from anger, not desire.

It is our God-given right to feel healthy and alive, and I’m mad at the system that has intentionally squelched it. I do believe it was intentional, although in the name of capitalism it has snowballed into something far greater than those like Rockefeller could’ve ever dreamed of, I would think. But maybe not. They were big visionaries.

But that doesn’t matter, (another rabbit hole of distraction) what matters is what do I do now? What do I do, knowing I have not been living in alignment and I’m faced squarely with it. I cannot un-see what I’ve seen. I can no longer pretend not to know.

If money were no object what would I do right now in this moment?

I would pursue adventure and what’s in my heart – and to start writing full-time. I would not be worried about finances and earning a living at it which is what has prevented me from moving forward.

And at the same time… One of my PPN’s is being recognized for creative expression. That’s a tough one, because if I’m not recognized what would that mean? Fear is a very strong and powerful motivator and as Haanel says this week, it is paralyzing.

And we take the easy path to stay in that comfort zone, which isn’t comfortable at all – but it is familiar. The purpose of our brain is not to make us happy, but it is to keep us safe.

It is always surveilling, looking for danger. Something new and different is danger, heart may say: YES! brain says whoa, let’s take a closer look. The movie inside out was brilliant at depicting this.

I always see things in pictures and in movies – and remember the metaphors, the analogies that apply to life.

One great scene from the fun, ridiculous, impossible and silly but yet profound movie, “Joe Versus the Volcano” when Joe (Tom Hanks), says to Angelica (played by Meg Ryan, in her 2nd of 3 characters in the film, who each mirror Joe’s own journey from fear to courage), asks her, “why not do the thing you’re afraid of doing?”

And she replies – “You mean stop taking money and leave LA?” to which he responds – “see, you know what it is you’re afraid of, why not just take the leap and do it?”

And then I see the scene in Walter Mitty when he jumps into the helicopter as it’s taking off…..These scenes stick in my mind, embedded there for a reason. Because I know the truth in them. They live in my heart, and these scenes show me the path.

And now I realize I’m rambling…. As I’m recording, I’m a yellow.

What is my point to all of this? I actually know what I would do if money was unlimited, but it is not, but that does not mean that I cannot take deliberate steps in that direction.

My outer world results from inner. Which means my weekly services, not chores, become better directed. Who cares about getting the right baseboard in my bathroom, it’s not gonna make my house sell any faster or for more money, and yes while I’m living here I will see it every day, and know there might be a ‘better’ choice.

But it’s all about perspective. Now I will look at the common baseboard that I will purchase today and recognize the choice I made was time saving, simplicity over what I’ve been doing for the last two weeks, spending unnecessary time trying to find the “right” one.

I can hear Mark now in my head saying asking, “are you freaking kidding me?” Maybe I’m not distracted by my phone, but there are plenty of other distractions. If I were to live this day as if it were my last do I really care about baseboard?

The common baseboard will remind me I prioritized my dreams over design. Like the shapes we link to – a new connection made.

What matters is what’s in my heart, and I need to get writing. And perhaps the writing today is not the direct project, as so much fear and doubt still lives in me, so that’s probably the writing that needs to come first. Let that out, let it fall off with the cement to reveal what’s truly under there.

Closing note and full disclosure – I did reread this blog before actually posting it to correct grammatical areas as dictating often gets words incorrectly. Sometimes it’s pretty funny, but sometimes it is unreadable nonsense.

And, of course – I had to look up what that law was… Newton’s third law of physics. Beyond the definition, I rather like this example, it feels very appropriate when it comes to emotion, thoughts, beliefs (which lead to our actions):

Newton’s Third Law deals with forces, it is often applied to pressure situations, such as when a container is filled with high-pressure gas—the walls of the container push in on the gas, while the gas pushes out on the walls with an equal and opposite force.

Hmmm… when the pressure is great enough, the walls of course will fail. And when will the walls fail? When the cement is chipped off enough in the pressure inside exceeds its capacity – and releases in a flood like a bursting dam.

Sounds rather exciting.