I’m sitting and watching, observing my thoughts. They come, I substitute or I forgive myself, or the ones who need to be forgiven. I feel my chest rise and fall with each breath.
I remember a quote, “You don’t have a life, you are life.” “I am what I will to be” repeats like a mantra. I let go and let my mind wander again. Then a question pops into my mind. “Why don’t I know what my purpose is?”
I have easily attained what I wanted before. I knew what I wanted, focused on it, verbalized it ad nauseam to others and eventually found myself exactly where I’d been hoping to be.
But somewhere along the way I lost faith in myself. When I was successful, something went wrong. I invited the wrong people to share in that success. Did I do that on purpose?
I don’t know. I can’t trust myself to discern who is worthy. So, I am stuck. That is what brought me here I realize. I need to learn to trust myself again.
“The most precious commodity on the planet”
“This is such a powerful and honest share, Celeste. The question ‘Why don’t I know what my purpose is?’ is one so many of us wrestle with, and you’ve articulated the feeling of being ‘stuck’ so clearly. Your realization that it all ties back to learning to trust yourself again is the key. That moment of insight—’That is what brought me here’—is everything. You are already doing the work by observing, forgiving, and asking the hard questions. Keep going; you are rediscovering that most precious commodity within yourself.”