The old me is not going quietly…
In fact, she really, really doesn’t want to leave. I’ve opened the door. I’ve shown her the way, but she’s hanging on.
I told her it’s time to go, and I insist she move on. It seems she has one foot out the door then she comes back in. She taps me on the shoulder and whispers in my ear about the ease of letting her stay and how it wouldn’t be so much work as trying to get her to leave.
It would be familiar and comfortable she says, but the truth is this; it’s not comfortable… not anymore.
Frankly, it’s harder to have her here now. It’s morning, and I’m starting the day with work and my dreams on my mind. Eventually she gets closer to the door again. Throughout the day, she walks in and out, but the door stays open and she?
I believe eventually she will understand. She needs to realize it’s time to exit stage right; it really is time to go.
One new piece of awareness that helps me manage her resistance in leaving is the quiet space I now know is a safe place between a negative old thought of my old mindset and the replacement of that thought with a positive substitution.
When the negative thought presents itself to me and I realize it for what it is, rather than forcing a substitution on thought or focus, I give myself the grace and the peace of relaxing my mind.
That is such a relief! Sometimes my mind is such a turmoil; words I’ve never truly spoken. The right, the privilege, the ability to relax my mind is such a gift and such an awakening.
My old self doesn’t understand this awareness has made leaving even more necessary, more definite. The door remains open, and she will continue on her way out. She may not go quietly or easily, but she is leaving. This time she is leaving.
Cheryl, what an amazing awakening this is for you. I love how you described, “The right, the privilege, the ability to relax my mind is such a gift and such an awakening.”. It truly is! “Law of Relaxation”, isn’t it powerful? It’s in no time that she, “old self” will be diminished slowly but surely, very very soon!!!
Beautiful awareness Cheryl. The old self can linger, but the fact that you see her—without fear and with compassion—means she’s already losing her grip. That quiet space you’ve discovered is powerful; it’s where the new you breathes, grows, and supports. She may not leave quietly, but she is leaving—and you’re already stepping into who you really are!!
“This is so powerfully written, Cheryl. The personification of your ‘old self’ is both poignant and accurate. That tug-of-war is so real—the whispers of comfort that are actually anything but. Your discovery of that ‘quiet space’ is everything. It’s not a battle, but a gentle, firm ushering. The door is open, and with that profound awareness, her exit is no longer a question of ‘if,’ but ‘when.’ She may not go quietly, but she will go. Thank you for sharing this beautiful metaphor of transformation.”