Recently I have noticed a strong resistance within. At first, it was not present. But now, I find it every time I read my DMP. It took many revisions to get the wording right and I am confident I discovered what I truly want and have it worded properly.

However, I have noticed this inner voice that seems to be getting louder saying things like: Who do you think you are? What do you know about that? How could you even accomplish that? I am often overwhelmed with fear and paralyzing insecurity.

Fortunately, I have been faithful with all the readings so I have some knowledge to help me combat and reject those initial responses.

Specifically, Week 3 Master Key reading to understand how fear must be eliminated in order for the Solar Plexus to function freely. And again, in Week 5 I am reminded of the importance of mental housecleaning.

So how have I been dealing with these opposing questions? I recognize it as the old blueprint fighting to stay the same. Through the MKE program I am doing many things that are new and strange and sometimes quite challenging.

I often feel like a fish out of water might feel – awkward and everything seems risky.

It’s easy to revert back to the old blueprint way of doing things, but since that hasn’t gotten me where I want, perhaps I should press on, keep doing the simple things that challenge my mind. The challenge is more in the strangeness of the tasks than the task itself.

Sometimes I feel like I am just going through motions, but I know that a change is happening within. I see subtle changes which encourage me to keep going.

All the readings remind me of the truth behind the seemingly strange exercises, so I cling to that hope when my emotions seek to derail my progress.

To be completely open, I often wonder if the internal struggle I am currently experiencing will be worth it in the end.

I feel like I am fighting, truly fighting, to refuse to entertain those pesky negative thoughts and force myself to speak and think words of strength and accomplishment instead. I have had many thoughts about just quitting because it will just be easier – but easier how?

Easier in that I won’t have to work so hard to remove all this cement, but not easier in that it won’t ever bring me to my goals.

So I press on, looking forward to the day that I can look back on this moment and celebrate my success as a result of this persistence.